Wednesday, 01 October 2008
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It's complicated for real...
My honey "P" came by on his way back home. How did I feel? I was happy.
I did a lot of soul searching just like I said I would and I came to more and more conclusions about what I should Do. Then I made the "LIST".
Everyone knows about the list, the one where you write a list of the reasons why you love him, and the reasons why you should not stay together. Well of course there were more reasons in the list of why I love him than why we should not be together. I then pulled out the other papers, letters that I wrote to my self and to God. Yes to God, whenever I am faced with a problem who better to talk to. No one listens with out being judgmental.... but god does. No one quiets the pain my heart like god does. I can't cry and be myself around anyone without being told to stop, but I can around God....why not go to the source the one who controls my destiny. If he is to be a part of my life I needed reassurance. If I want this to work than I need the guidance of my father to work it out.
I did not get to speak with him on certain issues but I knew that we had came to some type of understanding about what was going on with us. Somethings did not need to be said and like I said I am just going to wait it out. We will not see each other until October 20th. I will be on my way to New York and I will go by to visit. Hopefully when I move to New York things will become easier for us. Distance will not be a problem, but we will have other factors that we must encounter. Well let me stop before I give myself problems that I do not even have yet. I just want to remain happy while I can. I do not want this feeling to end at least for now. I love when things are peaceful with him and in my life....oh how wonderful it is to have peace.
He did finally give me my hug and kiss before leaving.
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