Wednesday, 22 October 2008

• Do not listen to what others say about your spouse without consulting them.

  I am back home just for three days and then I am off again.  In search of a new Home in Ny for all those who I have not told.  In fact I think I have failed to say that in any of my blogs.  Well when I got to Philly to see my fiance "P" nothing really changed .   I loved him before I left and I still love him.  I went there with the expectations that I would get a lot of my questions answered.  I guess in a way I did.  My visit reconfirmed what I already knew, My fiance loves me.  I guess that is all I needed to feel.  I , no we had a serious conversation that led to his rasing his voice at me to get his point across.  Yeah I know no one should every raise their voice to another ,but he was not doing it to be disrespectful.  He was doing it because I was careless in a choice I made.  I could have caused more harm than good.  So he had every right to yell at me.  Yeah you heard me say it he was right about all the choices I made that day.  It could have broken us up completely as well as other things happening to other people who were involved. 

    I am not going to say that during a couple of times he did not tell me things that hurt my feelings.  When it seemed as if I did not understand he did tell me after this conversation I could lose his number.  No he did not really mean it that was just the heat of the conversation that he was just expressing his his anger....yeah he was not just mad...he was  ready to strangle me (not literally of course). But he ended the conversation by saying that he needed time to cool off...and he did and he spoke with me the very next day.

   I may be wrong to stay with a man that refuses to show affection, but like I have said so many times before ...I know him.  He has shown me affection before so it is not like I am living on hope that he will tell me one day, I know for a fact that he loves me because he has told me so before.  It was only about 3xs but believe me for him that is excellent.  He tries to continue the "I am a man I show very little affection or emotion to any one".   We all know the type. The type that is the "norm" if there is a norm for a man.

  Can I believe that All of this because I let others come into my relationship and put doubt in my head about things they have seen him do that they find disrespectful. They are not the ones that love this man or has to deal with him in a relationship type of way.   I never once doubted him before so why should I doubt him now. I should not. He has given, No we have given each other another chance.  I will not blow it this time when it come to issues like this, now maybe other issues we deal with but not these issues.  I no longer take what someone has told me to be truth without consulting with my fiance.  If it has to deal with him that is who I should deal with not anyone else.  In fact it may be these same people who want to see my relationship fail, because as we know misery loves company and believe me they are  miserable.

  Relationships are so like a job and you have to work at it like any thing else.  This is one job that I take very seriously.  My love for "P" I take very seriously.  If I want this man to continue to be my future husband I must let everything go that has happened in the Past.

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