Thursday, 06 November 2008
-
The talk
Last night my fiance called me during his break, i guess you can say that I had an attitude. But wouldn't you? Everyday I talk to this man unsure of what I mean to him or where I stand in his life. I am tired of guessing. why can men not just come out and say how they feel. Because they are men...that is a bunch of crap. When I would not really tell him what was wrong he decided to get off the phone after all of 8 minutes yes 8 minutes. Do I care? Yes... Hey what did you expect me to say no. So I called him back at 2:49 am, when I knew he was getting off work. We never seem to have a conversation worth talking about but at least it is a conversation. Woman say we wont settle for any thing... just so we don't have to deal with the tears and the heartache . We settle and then we are back at square one. We put up with his bulgur.
Would you really like to know why I was so nonchalant? Well after my post yesterday I realized that in order for me to go through with it I would have to tell him about it. I have been trying since yesterday to gather up the nerve so that we could talk. He will automatically get up set as soon as I tell him that I have something to talk to him about. Why he does this I do not know. Then he turns the entire thing around making it my fault. He is so blinded sometimes and fail to see that he is just as much in the wrong as I am. Does that matter to him. No... I really don't think so. This is what bothers me. Then I cave in and I take all of the responsibility, rather it is my fault or not. At that point I just don't want him on my case anymore, so what do I say "FINE". That is my word to mean stop the badgering me, leave me lone, and I don't care at that moment. But by then he tells me that I am not listening... when I am. If I was not listening would I not hear him? I have heard every word he has said. How could I not when he is speaking above his normal tone...can we say practically yelling at me. Then he tells me how angry he is at this point and hangs up the phone. Then he does not call me again for about 7 days. This is my routine of what happens when I want to talk to him. So I was upset yesterday because I had already played out this scene in my head and it felt so real that it angered me.
Tonight he is suppose to leave to come and visit me. I am not sure if he is actually coming or not. He was due last weekend and I spread my excitement through my blogs but he hid not show but I did understand, now if he does not come this week, I don't know how understanding I can be. So I will not become excited until I see him in person. I so not want to set myself up for the disappointment that I know is to come. This is the opportunity that I am going to use to once again try to talk to him. Yeah I know It seems as thought we are always talking, but it never happens. Will this be the one time it will? DOUBT IT
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment