I guess a lot has happened since my last post and well... like my title says ...I have just gotten over a rough point in my life. Things are better and yes for those of you wondering about my God Prayer.... he has shown me things and there were answers given to me... that I did not know about but they were there all the time. The fiance and I ...well things are no different and nothing has changed. I told him todayand yesterday that it was going to be over between us if he did not take me out and do things with me , basically if he did not do what I want him to do than I was going to throw a fit. That is how I would put it in simple terms. His response was ..ok, say you promise. my respone.... I promise. Will I stick with it? No of course not... but maybe that put a little thought in his head that will keep him on his toes, for the next time I say somthing like that. Maybe he will start to wonder Is she really trying to tell me something or is she just joking around. well I guess I can tell you... there was some truth to what I said.... because I said it at a moment when I felt like he really was not being sensitive to my feelings. I think we all... when we feel that loneliness creep in (when your spouse is far away) tend to to reevaluate how you are feeling at that moment. Nothing else matters. Not how may things you guys have shared ...not how they made you feel in the past, the only thing that matters is that moment...now. My moment ...I felt that I wanted to break up with him..I wanted him to be out of my life..I dwelled on all the wrong he has ever did and just wanted to be.. ..free of him. Of course this only lasted until the next time that I spoke to him. Then it was like that day never happened but to me but it did. I opened my mouth to tell him about it and nothing came out. He would probably take it the wrong way and we would break up for real. I wonder why does this happen? I experience it more when he lets days go by on end and we have not spoken to one another. These are the endless days as i call it. You know where he sits around the house either watching tv(sports sunday) or just lounging and he refuses to call just to say...hi or anything...It burns me up. Yeah that is when I experience it the most. I know I should probably say something and eventually I will It is just right now I do not want to put more of a strain on our relationship than there already is. Love makes your heart weak and everything that I thought I had the strenght to do when it comes to him I am just figuring out that I don't...
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